Water, Nature, and Humankind

People Who Have a New Dream

There is something that people tend to reflect upon as the year draws to a close. What I get to hear my patients talk about the most during the session is their regrets. Any choice is bound to entail regret, but people who are depressed struggle with negative thinking and excessive self-accusation as symptoms of depression. The second most common subject is worries in the new year. Depression and anxiety are inseparable like two sides of a coin, and these two emotions come as a package to distress you. They are locked up in regrets and worries. In other words, they are stuck in the past and future. As a result, they are in constant agony. My job is to help people stop thinking about the past or the future and instead stay “in the present moment.”
It is not an easy task, but those who keep working on this “mind-shifting practice” for a year begin to see positive changes. They start talking about new things they want to do or plans to make themselves a better person. “I want to be the kind of person who can work out at the gym regularly and steadily,” I want to change my reality on my own; I am determined to get a new job,” “I’ve been so wrapped up in achieving more, but this new year, I will try to relax whenever I can,” “People offered help when I was going through tough times; they made me realize how self-focused I have been. I am planning to volunteer on a regular basis this new year”…. All these words they say indicate that they are emerging from a sense of helplessness and hopelessness, and I am so pleased to hear them say these hopes and plans.

Can I Change in the New Year?

I, too want to change myself this new year. I want to break the bad old habit of being late, stop procrastinating, and slash the time I idle away on my smart phone. By making all these changes, I want to be a better doctor and a better dad. As I write down the list, more plans come to mind. Last year, I took a bold step and published a book, but sales fell short of my expectations; this year, however, I want to spend more time and energy on the new books I will publish. Last year, I played on a basketball team of players in their 40s for the first time but did so poorly at a tournament. This year, I am the youngest in the rest of my life. So I want to play better and to be a better member of my team before I get one year older.
On the other hand, I begin to question some of the new year's wishes and resolutions that I have taken for granted. Why do I need “in the new year” in my new year’s resolutions? I don’t have to wait until the new year begins. I can go ahead and start doing it right now. Doubt emerges slowly in my mind. "Do I honestly believe that I can do all these? It’s been too long and it’s hard to change. Can I really transform into a new me?"
Can people really change? Most people say no, but I can say this with confidence as a psychiatrist who has seen so many people for many years. People can change in the way they want to. But it is a painstaking, slow process, and the scope of change can be limited. This is probably why people fail to make the change they dream of in most cases and know deep down that many of the attempts to change will likely end up in failure. Still, we dream again of making changes because we truly want to change. There can be many different reasons, but most of all, it is so agonizing to beat ourselves about doing nothing to get better. I want to stop hating myself.
Despite repeated failures, I bring myself up to new challenges again as usual as a new year comes, and like I always do, I raise my hopes and keep my fingers crossed. I am so desperate that I turn to the magical power of the moment the time line changes to a new year. In fact, it is just another day, but as the new year starts, once again, I harbor new hopes that this world and I, one year older and possibly smarter, will become different compared to the previous year. As a year comes to an end, we count down to the new year, celebrate the arrival of the new year with shouts as the hands of the clock tick past midnight, and send greetings and best wishes to loved ones. Hidden deep down in all these things are our hidden magical hopes.

The moment of resolution comes back every year and we never give up on making wishes and new resolutions even after repeated failures and disappointment. I’ll put faith in the power in me as I dream a new dream. Driven by the power, I’ll make changes, big or small, slowly but steadily.

Despite everything, the courage to move on

“You are a T, aren’t you?” Patients often ask me this question, referring to one of the types of the personality test tool MBTI. F means feeling and T means thinking. As a psychiatrist, I need to remain emotionally detached from my patients and make a cold-headed analysis of their problems while trying to feel for and relate to them. This is probably why my patients will likely find many of my responses cold. The same is true for this article as well. I hope all those who read this article become free from pain and trouble, and things work out the way they want in the new year, but I know too well that the reality is not so simple. That is why I can’t bring myself up to say, “I hope everything turns out as you wish.” The last book I read last year was “One of Them Is a Lie.” On the last page of the book, author Ae-ran Kim says, “Life is ruthless and it will keep hurting you. Nevertheless, I hope all of us live a meaningful story and leave a good story behind when our time is over. I, too will keep trying.”
Yes, life is ruthless. Life keeps breaking and shattering our hopes of living a peaceful life. Unfortunately, I face this harsh reality in my office every single day. Pain inevitably lies ahead in the new year and we will respond to it the way we always have. You are free to expect a new year full of sweet wishes and hopes, but what you must remember is not to fall into despair. Despair is not the end but part of our everyday life. Each year, we experience disappointment and despair but still manage to find new hopes and courage to embrace a new year and move on. The moment of resolution comes back every year and we never give up on making wishes and new resolutions even after repeated failures and disappointment. I’ll put faith in the power in me as I dream a new dream. Driven by that power, I’ll make changes, big or small, slowly but steadily. I dream of a new year when I keep trying once again!